Beauty

I am from South Georgia...born in central Florida, raised by a mama originally from Buffalo, New York and a daddy from Moultrie, Georgia.  But I've lived in South Georgia for the majority of my life.

I'm dating an East Tennesseean...now he was born in Georgia and I don't let him forget that, but he exudes East Tennessee.  

We visited my parents this past June and it wasn't even that hot yet...I mean, yes, we had gnats and all that, but the sticky level hadn't reached its full potential yet.  He looked at me at one point and said, "Just so we're clear, there is no reason we should ever live here."  Ha!

We were driving down yesterday for the holidays and we turned off of I-75 to the cotton and peanut fields and straight road of highway 33.  I saw that the cotton had just been baled and South Georgia snow was scattered in the fields.  And I breathed in the beauty of this place.  It may not be beautiful to others because they haven't been loved here, they haven't smelled peanuts being harvested, or watched a thunderstorm come in on the horizon.  

Beauty becomes...it is realized in moments, in experiences, and in what becomes a part of our hearts.  True beauty comes in knowing....a person, a place, a reality...

Bethlehem wasn't beautiful...it was busy...it was crowded and probably really dirty.  But I can't help but think that Mary treasured Bethlehem in her heart as a place of immense beauty.  For what she had experienced was a new birth not just for her child, but herself.  What she had believed had come to life.  Her Savior had come...not just in physical form, but in her heart.

Have you seen beauty in your life today?  Have you let the place where you're called and the people you're called to serve become beautiful to you?  Have you made the place where you are Bethlehem?

Changes...

I've been processing lots of changes lately...

My sister is getting married in 8 days...I've never spent a Christmas Day without her.  We've always shared the sofa pull-out bed and woken up feeling like someone kicked us in the middle of the back.  Ahh memories...I spent Thanksgiving with Chris's family this year, only the second one I've missed with my family.  And I've been filled with thoughts of changes that this new year will bring.

I cried the other night...I needed to.  Have you ever been there?  Change requires us to grieve what was in order to accept what will be.  Sometimes I grieve the life that I will leave in order to gain life with Chris.  I've caught myself grieving the bond my sister and I had because we were the last singles and we knew how that felt.

This is not a sad post.  Change is change...it is inevitable.  Life happens.  We change.  We move on.  And while change requires us to let go of what we've known, it also gives us hope for the future of what will be.  I'm incredibly excited to see what Bethany's life holds as a married woman who is still my sister and one of my best friends.  I'm overjoyed and feel completely at ease thinking about my future with Chris.  And I'm so blessed by his family and the way they love me and how I seem to perfectly fit in his family.  It's a beautiful thing for which I am truly thankful.

I wonder how Mary and Joseph and their families felt about that change so long ago.  Sure, they had 9 months to ponder things...I wonder if Mary grieved her former life as a single, or as an engaged woman.  I wonder if her parents were a little sad to lose her...but also excited for what lay ahead.  It's life. It's a part of it...to change...and not only to HAVE to, but to invite it...because we know that it's a part of what God calls us to do...to leave the familiar to embrace the unknown...to join God in the mystery that is life as a believer.

The Work Begins

Remember the song I quoted the other day?

After everyone leaves...after the excitement of a new baby settles down...the true work begins.  

"To find the lost, the heal the broken, to feed the hungry, to release the prisoner, to rebuild the nations, to make peace among brothers, and to make music from the heart."

I was walking around, getting ready this morning and had an epiphany...yeah, that's a Christmas miracle on Thursday of the week before Christmas.  I have a cold...I mean it's bound to happen this time of year with sniffling children who hug me face to face...and I didn't feel awesome yesterday, but we promised to go with the kids from church to sing at an assisted living home.  So, we had little people choir and then headed over there.  We sang and it was nice and they were appreciative and then we headed to the other section of the facility to "the bridge."  The Bridge is for alzheimer's patients.  So we walked in and there were about 15-20 people in a circle with one nurse.  We started singing and I almost lost it.  Some of them that hadn't spoken a word, even looked like they were asleep, perked up, sang every word, and one even read every word off of the song sheet and sang in his loudest, best voice.  We walked around after we sang and they held my hand, commented how warm I was (wonder why? ha), and said, "it's so good to see you."  They were happy, even for those moments.

Here's the epiphany I had this morning...we did the work of "releasing the prisoner" last night.  The people we sang with are in a prison of the mind.  Most of the time they are locked up in the past and can't make peace with the present. In those few carols, I saw their eyes open, their minds clear, and their spirits refreshed.

Thank you, Lord, that you use us in spite of ourselves. Thank you for reminding me that I have something to give and that there is more work to do.

Understood

Most of you know that I teach ESL...and no that doesn't mean that I speak another language fluently..I wish that I did, but alas, I don't.  My students are mostly from Honduras and Mexico, with a few Chinese and Hungarian students thrown in the mix. 

This time of year, I often take my students for granted.  They are nuts.  I mean seriously whacked out of their minds.  I asked one Monday, "Really?  Who are you?"  Perhaps if you have kids, you know how they are this time of year.  Anyway, today I showed a clip of Frozen as a reward for doing their work.  One of my classes is almost completely full of limited English speakers.  So...the song "Let It Go" came on and two of the girls ripped into it in Spanish.  It was hilarious and sweet all at the same time.  And I realized something...no matter the language, they had the same reaction as other kids that speak English.  They all dream.  They all love a good Disney movie.  They speak the same language of heart.

Did Jesus come just for you?  While it is personal--what Christ did for you, God sent Jesus for us.  God speaks every language.  God came for all people.  God knows each person, each heart...and God speaks to all.  

Look around.  Forget the politics, the problems, and everything in between.  Marvel at the beauty of God's creation in the dark skin, the pale skin, the round eyes, the moon shaped eyes...and give thanks that God made us all and loves us all. 

O Come Let Us Adore Him

“Countless days on a journey that led so far
Endless nights they traveled to follow the star
They did not find a palace, just a humble village home
And searching for a king, but finding a child, no crown, no throne.

Still they bowed down

Come let us adore him
Oh, come let us adore him
Oh, come let us adore him

Expectation turned to mystery
For nothing was like anything they dreamed
Anticipating the royal and those honored by this world
Instead they gazed in the eyes of an awe-struck peasant girl
Holding her child

Come let us adore him
Oh, come let us adore him
Oh, come let us adore him

The brilliant gold, the fragrant myrrh, the costly frankincense
Placed before him

Come let us adore him
Oh, come let us adore him
Oh, come let us adore him
Christ, the Lord”

I heard this song on Sunday while I was getting ready for church.  I’ve heard it before, but this time I listened to the verses.  The shepherds and the wise men came to see this promised one, this king, and they came upon a child, a peasant girl…

Here’s the thing…they could have walked away.  The shepherds could have turned around when they saw where the star led them…the wise men could have taken their gifts back thinking that a humble child wouldn’t need something so expensive and extravagant.  Even though what they witnessed was unexpected, they still bowed down and worshipped. 

How many times has the same thing happened to you?  You pray for something with expectation of how God will answer.  When you don’t get the answer you expected, do you walk away disappointed, or do you stop, bow down, and worship?

Oh come let us adore him….for unexpected answers, for giving us what we don’t deserve, for hardships that teach us, for giving us what we need instead of what we want…

Have you gotten on your knees to bow before the Christ child this Christmas?  And have you accepted the unexpected?

Caroling...

What do small children, songs, hot chocolate, Bojangles chicken, Pal's hamburgers, Koreans, old people, and all ages in between have in common? 

If you answered a night of Christmas caroling, then you got it!  :)

I think this was our fourth year of caroling with our Sunday School class...we had about 25 people this year turn out to share some joy and cheer with some of our older members from church.  This year was especially fun because the kids have grown up and can actually sing!  They were so excited...even spontaneously erupting into Christmas carols as we walked to the elevator.  One of the adults said, "wow...I'm impressed."  I told him I did my job if they remembered the songs, ha.  

Our children's minister and her husband joined us this year and it's their first Christmas with our church family.  At the end of the night, she commented about how much she enjoyed seeing generations interacting through song and how our group took care of each other's kids and cared for each other in such a loving way.  Here's the thing...we genuinely like each other...we love each other so it's natural that we love and nurture each other's kids.  I've now had almost all of my friend's kids in choir and nursery and I've gotten a chance to KNOW them and to truly love them.  

And I continue to organize these caroling trips, not because I want to torture Chad or just have hot cocoa with my friends...it's because I see  that something so simple brings joy to older people...but more than that, it teaches us to give and to teach our kids that they can give and be a part of making someone else's world a little brighter.  

Are our voices perfect?  No...Do they know all the words?  No...Are we perfect?  Nope...but we were willing and God used us...

Maybe that's the point...willingness to show up...and we are a blessing to someone else...and in turn, we become blessed.

Distance

I live about seven hours from "home."  I quoted that word because over the last few years, home has become this place in Tennessee.  I've gotten over not having a Georgia license plate and driver's license...but it was hard.  Anyway, I've lived away from home for a while now. 

I miss my family...I miss sitting in my mama's lap (yes, I still do that sometimes).  I miss my daddy's smile and comforting way he tells a story.  I miss watching my brother and sister in law lovingly and beautifully love each other and their baby girls.  I have missed first steps and first words of the best two girls ever made. I miss my sister's crazy laughter and not knowing why we started laughing in the first place.

But in spite of all the missing, I am fuller because I recognize that my love for them is bigger and greater than what I've missed.  I know I'm doing what God wanted me to do...that is love and testimony enough for the family that told me I could do anything and be anything and that I should do whatever God called me to do.

When I traveled across the world to Thailand when I was 22 years old and had no idea where I was on the map, I remember thinking about my mama and daddy and how they allowed me to go.  And I loved them even more for it.  

When I traveled across the world to China last summer, I got to the airport in Beijing and I was jet-lagged and overwhelmed and didn't know what to do...and it was hot and smoggy...and I started crying because I wanted Chris to be there with me to help me figure things out and give me strength. And during that time in China, I saw myself more fully and that distance helped me to know even more assuredly that I didn't "need" Chris to fulfill me, but I wanted him to be by my side.

Distance...Mary and Joseph traveled to Bethlehem for the census and had a child far away from the love and stability of their home.  And even after that, they weren't afforded the option of returning. Mary didn't have a mother's hand to hold as she birthed the Son of God.  But also think about the secondary characters...Mary's family...Joseph's family...Elizabeth and Zechariah.  Distance may have given them some perspective.  How could you let this happen, Mary?  We taught you to be a good girl, and here you are pregnant and not married yet.  And then the child comes...and they aren't there...they missed it.  Even though they didn't understand, I can imagine that Mary's mother still wanted to be there to witness that joy.  And all characters may have begun to understand their love for each other a little more fully.

What lengths have you taken to have perspective?  Do you need to take some time, some distance, or some space this season to truly see and feel the impact of God's love for you this Christmas season? Who has God gifted you with to love? Who has God gifted with your love?

This is Love

Do you ever just know that you need to write about something, or tell someone something?  It comes in that constant feeling within your spirit or words that keep going through your head.  Well, hopefully that doesn't just happen to me.  I've had this lyric in my head for the past three days...

"This is love; this is love
Incarnate King, begotten Son.
This is love; this is love
You choose to make your home in us."

Honestly, it's been a little annoying...if you don't know this about me, a song can get stuck in my head for a very long time.  Ask my mom...I get jingles stuck in my head and they never leave. Seriously, I can sing almost any commercial jingle from the last ten years.  Anyway, this line from this song didn't just play over and over in my head...I started thinking about the lyric.

This is love, God...that you choose to make your home in us.  Yes, Jesus came to a forsaken, dirty, busy place that was unexpected for the beginning of a King many years ago...but here's the thing...I am Bethlehem.  I am forsaken.  I am dirty.  I am too busy.  Even so, God chooses to come to this place...and he doesn't just stop in for a visit and quickly run away.  God dwells within this place.  God chose to be born within me...to stop and stay in this mess.  

Do you know that God wants to make a home within you?  No matter how dirty you are, how forsaken you feel, how busy you've made your life...God wants to dwell within you.  Do others know that their hearts are potential Bethlehems for Christ to dwell within?  Have we told them?  Do we really believe that it's possible?  A baby made it a reality so that we would all know that God was capable of redeeming the worst places.

God is able to redeem.  God can redeem our hearts and spirits even when we think we are beyond cleaning up.  Why do we try to make ourselves sanitized hospitals for God to be born when all he wants is our Bethlehem?

How Far?

Remember that quote from yesterday?

"Did you wrap yourself inside the unexpected, that we might know that love would go that far?"

Have you experienced the depth and width of love extended to you?  Love births a baby and gives you life.  Love gives her paycheck to pay for your college education.  Love picks you up when you fall off of the bicycle. Love pays for your breakfast every week while you're in graduate school.  Love rakes a yard.  Love protects.  Love says no sometimes.  Love challenges you to be more. Sometimes loving someone means letting them go.

We experience love in many ways.  We know love because we were first loved.  By a loving Creator.  By a mother and father who loved us enough to sacrifice time, money, and so much more.  By a family of faith who saw who we were and told us we could be more.  

And the unexpected love of a partner finds some of us.  Don't worry, you're not going to want to throw up after this.  It's just that choosing to love someone instead of love being gifted to you is a different ballgame. Yes, love is gifted to us by a partner, but more than that, they choose to love us in all things.  And in turn, we choose to love them. In the ugly, coffee-less mornings...in the joys of first holidays together...in the sadness of losing someone you love...in the every day "normality" of life...we choose to love.  

Chris was an expected, yet unexpected gift in my life.  He came at a time when I was kind of done...tired of looking and waiting and hoping.  And he surprised me.  We are very different, but in spirit we are very much the same.  We love people and relationships with others.  He has loved me through almost a year of life that has been full of joys and milestones and time away in foreign countries and big financial decisions...and I've messed up (I mean the normal mess ups, no biggies yet ha) and he has stayed by my side.

This is love.  We know love because we were first loved.  And now we know love not only because others love us, but because we choose to love.

Promised...

Have you ever waited on the delivery of a promise? One day you'll be big enough to ride that roller coaster...one day you'll get to have your own room...I promise that I'll be back soon.

Promises are important...they hold meaning for us because we put trust in not only the words that someone says to us, but in the person who says them.  If promises go unfulfilled, we lose trust in a person.  If we don't fulfill promises that we make, we may lose trust in ourselves.  They matter.  They are what we remember and sometimes they are what keep us going.

Jesus was "the promised one."  Think about it...the people had been waiting, hoping, telling the tales of how this promised one may come and when.  They had been talking about it and dreaming about that promise for a very long time.  And this promised one and promised moment was underwhelming...in Bethlehem?  In a stable?  With animals?  This isn't the royal entry we had anticipated...this isn't the fulfillment of the promise for which we had been hoping.  This isn't the story grandma told us about.

Look at John 1:

The Word Became Flesh

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

John bridges the gaps for the people who thought they knew what the promise held.  John basically said, "Hey, I know what you've been looking for, but he's been here all along...he was with God from the beginning...he was God from the beginning, so he's legit."  Yeah, that's a little lose translation, but the people needed confirmation that what they knew was true..that the history of it all mattered.  Jesus didn't come out of nowhere...he was present all along and a part of it all.  Jesus fulfilled it all...the history, the promise...but Jesus also brought a new law...a new covenant...a new law of love.  The knowledge that this promise wasn't just a fulfillment of the past, but a promise for the future.  Jesus became a promise for all people...

"Did you wrap yourself inside the unexpected that we might know that love would go that far?"

The promise is fulfilled...live with trust in the one who came, fulfilled the promise, and continues to show us just how far love goes...

More on that next time...

The Angels...and the fear

From Joseph:
" But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit."

And Mary:
30 And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God."

And the shepherds...
9 And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with great fear.
10 And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people."

Have you noticed a reactionary theme?  Joseph, Mary, and the shepherds were just going about their normal, every day lives, and then surprise!  A shadow of a figure appears to them...an angel?  A shadow?  A ghost?  What is that?  Why me?  And when the angel appears to each of them, they are scared out of their minds.  I mean really....wouldn't you shake in your boots a little?  A lot?

Fear...it's one of the things we all have experienced and will continue to experience.  Some fears are temporary, like a dark room, a monster under the bed...and some stay with us...of not making this month's paycheck stretch to pay all the bills, of not knowing what the future holds, of not being enough of a mother, a partner...of not being a "good enough" Christian...

Whatever the fear, let's just admit that we all have them.  But read the good news found here...in the lives of some of the most important figures of our faith, they feared...they had moments when they were shaking, terrified of what God was asking them to do.  And even though they were scared, God did not discount them or their faith.  God said you'll be ok...I want to use you any way.  

Even though they were scared and they didn't know what God would do or how God would do it, they moved forward. Each character took that next step, even though they were shaky steps.

Face your fears today, knowing that when you walk forward, God walks alongside you, quieting you with his love.

Uncertainty

For our Christmas program, the ensemble is singing a song that we've done before.  It's one that is from Mary's perspective...no, not Breath of Heaven.  This one is "Be Born in Me."  It gives us perspective about what Mary must have been feeling and going through as she was approached by a heavenly being and came to acceptance of this unusual "honor."  I'll probably have more to say on this in another post, but something hit me last night.  

One of the phrases from the other song we're doing says, "It was not a silent night.  There was blood on the ground." 

Kim was explaining why we're changing those words...I guess we are censoring the story a bit so that parents can decide when they have that conversation with their kids. But he also pointed out that it could mean blood from giving birth, but it could also mean the blood all around from the killing of the first born sons dictated by King Herod.  

I was thinking about that later and I was struck with the thought that Mary was probably scared of bringing a child into the violence of that world.  Has anything changed?  

I don't have kids, but I've often thought about the daunting task of protecting them, of hoping against all hope that they will make it and not be too messed up by all that goes on in our world.  And I have a feeling that most moms have had the same thoughts and questions...will they be ok?  Will I do a good job taking care of them and keeping them safe, but not smothering them?  Can you imagine what Mary faced? She not only had a first born son, but the Promised One... The Messiah.

Women give birth every day, all around the world in the midst of conflict, war, uncertainty....in clean places, in less than appealing surroundings...surrounded by people they love, or doing it all alone.  And the world stops for a moment when the mother hears her baby's first cry.  And when she looks into the face of that small life, her life is redeemed.  She has done something to redeem the world.  

She has given life to someone else.

And day by day, you let go of that little life.  You learn that, just like giving your life by giving birth to that child, you give life to him or her by letting go.  

Mary let go.  Her whole life was a lesson in the sacrifice. First the sacrifice of her heart and body...then the ultimate lesson in sacrifice that her first-born son ended up making for her and for the entire world.  And she still had to let go.

The Work of Christmas...

We had a lengthy rehearsal last night for our Christmas program that is quickly approaching.  We will end the program with this song...

For the next few days I'll focus on the aspects of the work of Christmas...

The Work of Christmas

“The Work of Christmas,” a poem by civil rights leader and theologian Dr. Howard Thurman, reminds us why we stand on the side of love throughout the year:

Dr. Howard Thurman was an influential author, philosopher, theologian, educator and civil rights leader. He was Dean of Theology and the chapels at Howard University and Boston University for more than two decades, wrote 20 books, and in 1944 helped found the first racially integrated, multicultural church in the United States.

When the song of the angels is stilled,

When the star in the sky is gone,

When the kings and princes are home,

When the shepherds are back with their flock,

The work of Christmas begins:

To find the lost,

To heal the broken,

To feed the hungry,

To release the prisoner,

To rebuild the nations,

To bring peace among brothers,

To make music in the heart.

Nicki sang the solo for the first time last night and I'll admit it, I teared up.  Her voice cut through to my heart.  When everything is still and that still, small voice is left within our hearts, the real work begins.  We journey from just knowing the story, to actually living WHY Jesus came in the first place. See, it's not just that Jesus was once a baby and it's not just a nice story to tell once a year....it's work.  And the clarity of that call, that still, small voice, will cut you...if you let it, it will pierce your heart and change you forever, so that you have no other answer than a resounding yes, Lord, I will find the lost.  I will heal the broken.  I will feed the hungry.  I will release the prisoner.  I will rebuild nations.  I will bring peace among brothers.  I will make music in my heart and in this world...and I will do it in your name because I know that's the reason that you came in the first place. 

Enough?

Are you struggling to find "just the right gift" for that one person, or perhaps all the people on your list.  If I had a quarter for every time I've heard, "what do you get for the person who has everything?"  I'd go on a trip around the world.  It's a shame that there are websites dedicated to that question.  My mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas/birthday and sometimes it just feels like I'm grasping at straws to tell her something I "need."  Yeah, I thought of some things that might make life easier or more enjoyable...I'm sure we all can think of those things, but I like to get things that I actually need and I have to tell you, I'm coming up empty on that one.

Do we have enough?  I'm sure most reading this will answer with a resounding YES.  We have enough food every day.  We have enough friends.  Even though we say we don't, we have enough time in the day.  We have enough "stuff."  

And yet, we walk around and live life constantly wanting more, not stopping to realize that we have enough.  There is grace in enough.  The grace of enough is stopping to look at the sunrise.  The grace of enough is hugging that friend of yours that always gets your jokes.  The grace of enough calls your mom to thank her for loving you enough to give life and to even mess up sometimes in raising you.  The grace of enough reads the birth narrative with awe and wonder year after year and says a prayer of thanksgiving that this story is our story.

Have you paused today to experience the grace of enough?  Take it in.  Realize that you are full, not just physically, but of heart, and mind, and spirit. And give thanks.

Anticipation

The dictionary defines anticipation as "the act of expecting or foreseeing something; expectation."  Do you like roller coasters?  Here's a fun fact for you about my family...my mom LOVES roller coasters and my dad is absolutely terrified of them!  I used to be in his camp...I wouldn't even set foot on one when I was younger.  One time I rode the Mine Train at Six Flags with him and he screamed so hard that I couldn't stop laughing at him. That happened again on a ride at Dollywood a few years ago.  I almost wet myself I was laughing so hard.  My mom tricked me one time at Six Flags and said, "The Scream Machine isn't bad at all...it's not scary."  Well, I should have been smarter and realized that it had the word "scream" in the title.  Why do we believe everything our parents say?  ;)  I rode with her and she was trying so hard not to laugh at me.  I was screaming, "You lied!  You lied!  Get me off!  This is terrible!"  And then I was cured...I decided it was worth the gut in your throat feeling and the piercing screams.  Remember that anticipation as you climb to the top of the roller coaster?  Your eyes are wide, your breath is short, and your body tenses up with what you know is coming.  But here's the thing...you know what is coming...you've seen in part from the ground and now you get to experience it.  

Jesus coming to earth wasn't a far-fetched concept.  People anticipated his coming for a very, very long time. They knew in part, but until they experienced it, they couldn't truly put the experience into words.  It takes the anticipation to make the reality meaningful.  

But here's the kicker...most didn't recognize him when he came.  What they had been anticipating and hoping for wasn't at all what they thought they would see or experience.  A baby?  Born to poor people?  To a virgin?  With animals?  Nope, not him...that's not our Messiah...that's not good enough for what we've been anticipating.

We go through life anticipating whatever is next.  Graduating from school...the next holiday season...the next promotion at work...the next meal for some....the next car....the next baby...plan after plan, moment after moment, we anticipate.  We think we know what's coming, but we just can't wait to see how it will pan out.  Do we get lost in the anticipation like many people did waiting for their Messiah?  If we're not careful, we will miss what has already come.  God has answered prayers, but maybe it's not what we were looking for.  God has told us to wait and maybe we just want to keep moving forward with what we think we need.  Your redemption, your blessing, your teachable moment, your grace for the moment....it all may be right in front of your eyes.  

Anticipate, but don't get lost in what you think should come....raise your hands and scream....experience the roller coaster.

Hope...

Here begins my advent journey once again....happy reading and happy holidays to you all...

Much has happened in this last year of life.  I read back to last year's beginning of my advent writings and I was kind of at a low point, but still found ways to rejoice.  And just like the ground beneath the snow, my heart was being softened and prepared for something new.  I met Chris not even a month after Christmas Day last year and we've been together ever since.  My discouragement turned into courage to journey with him into the unknown and it has been a beautiful journey.  My sister met Rob (my future brother-in-law) in March and they will tie the knot two days after Christmas this year.  My brother and his wife had the second most beautiful girl in the whole world on March 1, my mom's birthday.  Life has been busy and full of changes, but mostly just full in the best ways.

This first week of Advent focuses on hope.  Hope that God sent to earth in the form of a new child.  Hope that God continues to send to us, in the form of a new baby, a new relationship, a hard time, a joyous time, a "normal" day...in smiles, in hugs, in holding someone's hand through a difficult time.  

I've known Shelley for about twelve years now...Shelley has been fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to know me from college days of figuring out who I was and being so silly that all we did was laugh together sometimes, to growing into who I am today, which is still pretty silly.  I knew Shelley before Jeremy became her husband, when she was convinced that "he doesn't like me that way...we're just friends" to "I like him!" and then to "I don't want to be the Balls!"  They got married and settled in Dandridge.  I moved away and then I moved back and we continued a friendship that I will always treasure.  I always knew Jeremy and Shelley would be amazing parents and I prayed for them to be able to have a child.  And yet, year after year, it didn't happen.  I questioned, I prayed with desperation, I cried for them, I shook my head in disbelief.  But I still prayed and hoped and asked God to restore hope to their prayers.  

In October, Dana Claire entered our world.  This clear, bright gift of God has been such a blessing to her parents and to all of us who prayed for her and hoped for her for so long. 

Can you even imagine being an early believer?  You've heard all about a Messiah, someone God would send to redeem you and the world...and yet you have no idea what that looks like. Perhaps it looks like the hope we all have experienced...perhaps hope prepares the way for the birth of joy.  The joy of a new baby is something you can't quite put into words...it changes you, softens your heart, and refocuses your purpose. 

Dare to hope...and in that, you will know joy.

The Doubt, the Leaving, and Everything In Between...

So, we celebrated another week of Easter, or Resurrection Sunday at our church...might as well, right?  I mean it is a pretty important component of who we are.  :)

The focus was on the disciples reaction to Jesus coming back to life...the fact that they didn't recognize him at first...and I can't help but think that it was in that moment of breaking bread, something they did often together, that their eyes were opened and they knew their friend and leader...yeah, maybe they were grief stricken or just disappointed...who knows?

We extended our conversation in Bible study that morning and we were talking about the verses that clearly state that some of the followers doubted.  But, it doesn't stop there.  Jesus doesn't stop there.  It's as if faith naturally comes with doubt and Jesus is okay with it.  In fact, doubt didn't change Jesus.  Doubt didn't change the fact that he came, he died, he came back to life, and gave ALL of them instructions, even the doubting ones.  Maybe Jesus knew that one day they would move past their doubt to believe again and they would hear his words of encouragement and affirmation.

We also talked about the lack of attention to the ascension of Jesus in the gospel of Mark (I think...sorry if I'm wrong).  I had never thought about that until Sunday...the fact that the account places importance on how we should live and what we should do, not on the glorious ascension of God's son.  It's like Jesus is telling us to stop focusing on his death and to start living....living as he lived...stirring things up, telling everyone about his love forever and ever, in all directions.  To not stop...to keep going, to keep living...because that is what Kingdom living is all about and that's the reason he died.  Validate what he did on the cross by living as he calls us to live.  That's powerful.  That is life changing and life-giving.

So yes, maybe jumbled up thoughts here, but remember...

He is alive.  We have permission to doubt.  But above all...live.