Almost Here...

Am I the only one who is always surprised when Christmas comes?  It creeps up on me and it's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that it will be over soon.  I spent the last week at the escuela trying to survive each day.  I started counting each day as victory...yes, on Wednesday, one of my kids exposed himself to another child and I had to yell at him like he was three years old.  And yes, I got the best present of my three years teaching ESL, a squishy pink bear phone case...and yes, four kids sang Christmas carols to the adults in prayer meeting on Wednesday night and sounded like an army of little voices...I hugged some older folks' necks at the nursing home Wednesday night...and played with my friend's little girl on Saturday night, all the time wondering where the years have gone with that one.  Life is busy...it happens so fast...and I try to do my best to seize it, to go as much as I can because really, it's not my obsessive need for social interaction, it's that I love these people and the ways we can be present to each other.

I have a wonderful family.  I drove a long time in the rain yesterday to get here, to be with them for the holidays.  I love the memories they created for me, and that we still create.  I love that they know me and still love me.  I love that with family there is a deep connection that cannot be severed or even explained to others who have not lived the connection...the connection of hard times and joyous times, of being so committed to each other that the thought of losing them is like losing life itself.

And while my family cannot be replaced, I am so thankful for the ways that family has been extended to me. Before I left, one of my friends asked me, "When are you coming home? Notice that I said home referring to Jeff City."  And yes, it is home.  God has been gracious enough to allow me to pour myself into people there, and more than that, others have opened their arms and hearts and homes to me.  There aren't people I would rather be with.  God has connected us in ways that only my heart can grasp.  It cannot be expressed. They are family to me.  And it's primarily because of the way my family loved me and taught me how to love others.  

As I write this, my dad is playing the piano, filling our home with music...Thank you for being present to me--Mama, Daddy, Grandma, Bethany, Jamie, Melonie, little girl Miley...so that I can be present to others.  

Conspire...

Several years ago, our church participated in the Advent Conspiracy, an effort to reclaim Christmas as believers. Today, I remind myself and you what it is we are about this season...

1)  Worship Fully
2)  Spend Less
3)  Give More
4)  Love All

Isn't this what Jesus taught us by coming?  The people had been walking in darkness without a Savior...they knew only in part.  With the arrival of Jesus, they knew FULLY.  So let us in turn worship fully.  Jesus gave his life to meet the needs of others, and in the end, gave us ALL.  We, in turn, must give more.  Love all...pretty much says it all.  Jesus did not come for the elite, or even just for the poor.  Jesus came as a Savior of ALL people, so why should we withhold from the rich? From the poor?  From our own family members?

Let us take to heart the message of Advent--seek with hope, be at peace, share joy, love all...and Christ will come....again and again.

God With Us

From a song we are singing this coming Sunday...

"And before my head agrees, my heart is on its knees.  Holy is he.  Blessed am I."

God sent Jesus with a promise....God with us.  In our groggy mornings, in the breath-taking deep blue grey of the mountains, in the sugar-crazed energy of hundreds of kids at school, in the still moments right before we fall asleep at night, in the dreams we dream each night...this is how I have come to perceive Immanuel in my almost 31 years, but today I got an eye exam...and I see it a little more clearly.

Mary began to understand this concept of Immanuel when the angel told her she would deliver God's son...God was truly with Mary. Mary carried God with her, deep within her...he took form inside her.  Her heart knew the answer before her head could grasp what was happening.  Her heart cried out, "Yes! God with us!"  

We have the opportunity for God to take residence within us...the truth of God with us.  Some of us have answered the angel's voice with a Yes, but we haven't allowed the fullness of God to develop within us. Immanuel--God with us, not just walking alongside us, but truly with us, in us, being formed within us, and in turn, forming us.

Jesus and Dollywood...

So the other night, one of my friends and I headed to Dollywood with her grandparents to see the lights and a few Christmas shows. Yes, I said Dollywood....doing it up right in East TN.  In one of the shows there was a song I've never heard...I still don't know the name of it, but as I sat there, I noticed that it began with the angel that announced the news of Jesus to Mary and Joseph sang first. Then Mary sang by herself, then Joseph, and then all three were singing separate parts that were layered together to form one sound.

I had a moment of realization that God worked in the hearts and lives of individuals to bring about something bigger.  God thought enough of the individual to know that they each needed a different word, a different sign, a different time to come to terms with what they were called to do.  And because they each heard it in a different way, it came together to complete the bigger picture. 

God still comes today...God knows the way we need to hear, the words we must hear, the time that is right...and in that working, God brings about something bigger...the kingdom here on this earth. Isn't that what it all started as?  God coming to earth in the form of a baby....God is still coming to earth...through each of us.  God takes individuals and layers them together to create a united, beautiful song...will you sing with me?

Something to Ponder...

The Refugees
Ann Weems

Into the wild and painful cold of the starless winter night
came the refugees,
slowly making their way to the border.
The man, stooped from age or anxiety,
hurried his small family through the wind.
Bearded and dark, his skin rough and cracked from the cold,
his frame looming large in spite of the slumped shoulders:
He looked like a man who could take care of whatever
came at them
from the dark.
Unless, of course, there were too many of them.
One man he could handle...two, even...
but the border patrol...
they wouldn't have a chance.
His eyes, black and alert,
darted from side to side, then over his shoulder,
then back again forward.
Had they been seen?
Had they been heard?
Every rustle of wind, every sigh from the child,
sent terror through his chest.
Was this the way?
Even the stars had been unkind--
had hidden themselves in the ink of night
so that the man could not read their way.
Only the wind...was it enough?
Only the wind and his innate sense of direction...
What kind of a ruel judgment would that be,
to wander in circles through the night?
Or to safely make their way to the border
only to find the authorities waiting for them?
He glanced at the young woman, his bride.
No more than a child herself,
she nuzzled their newborn, kidding his neck.
She looked up, caught his eye, and smiled.
Oh, how the homelessness had taken its toll on her!
Her eyes were red, her young face lined,
her lovely hair natted from inattention,
her clothes stained from milk and baby,
her hands chapped from the raw wind of winter.
She'd hardly had time to recover from childbirth
when word had come that they were hunted,
and they fled with only a little bread,
the remaining wine,
and a very small portion of cheese.
Suddenly, the child began to make small noises.
The man drew his breath in sharply;
the woman quietly put the child to breast.
Fear.....long dread-filled moments.........
Huddled, the family stood still in the long silence.
At last the man breathed deeply again,
reassured they had not been heard.
And into the night continued
Mary and Joseph and the Babe.

Caroling Caroling!

Yes, it may be old fashioned...yes, it may make some of you cringe, or it may bring warm and fuzzies to some of you.  At any rate, our Sunday school class went caroling last night. One of my friends said, "I hate you one day of the year...this one."  hahaha...at least I get 364 other days!  

We drove in a caravan around town, delivering poinsettias and singing familiar tunes.  All this while a six year old, four year old, and two year old danced, sang a little, chased each other around in a circle, drank the resident's diet coke, ate a few marshmallows...

All this seems small...let's face it, we are small...the things we do sometimes seem to not matter.  But that is the point...we are small, but God takes what we offer and makes it better and bigger.

As we sang to one of our elderly church members, he began to wipe tears from his eyes. For some people, this time of year is bittersweet.  It brings back memories of the past...memories of goodness, of children, of spouses lost...

But we have the capacity to bring something small--a carol, a flower, a smile...to make a big difference in the hearts around us. Hearts that are waiting for a spark, for a new memory, for good news that we are able to give.

It matters.

Unexpected Joy

Does God ever catch you by surprise?  Do you ever have moments that make your heart so full that you feel your eyes well up with tears?  I love to watch my Daddy watch a Hallmark movie or music special on tv...he smiles as he watches and usually I can tell when his heart gets full.

Well, today God surprised me.  I teach.  I do what I do.  I yell sometimes.  I hug my kids. I want the best for them.  Sometimes they drive me absolutely crazy.  They had a dance today so you know they were all hyped out of their minds.  Well, I'm still trying to get work out of them..."Sit yourself down and get going!"  "Come on...you don't have to go to that party!"  Sound familiar?  In the middle of all of it, one of them starts singing...off key, but still.  He said, "Miss Saunders, you know this song?"  And in broken English he began to sing "Happy Birthday, Jesus."  Yes, the child chose the cheesiest Christmas song...but I pulled it up and three little 9 year olds sat around and sang Happy Birthday Jesus in broken notes and language.  I looked at him and his eyes were shining with tears. I almost lost it.  

God is moving...and Christ still comes...through music, through broken English, through yelling and caring, through school walls, through hearts that are softened toward the spirit of God.  Thank you, Jesus for putting me exactly where I needed to be today.

Running...

If you know me now, you know that I exercise pretty regularly.  I've had somewhat of a journey to get to this point...and by journey I mean that at one time I didn't believe in exercise!  ;)  In college, I would go on walks, more for the social value than anything.  I remember looking through the windows in the SAC gym and thinking there was no way I would be brave enough to set foot in there.  I also remember judging girls who actually did go there to exercise...yeah...not proud moments!  Such is life...

In Chicago, we lived off of around $10 a week per person for food.  And I lived with a house full of girls who loved to eat...so we didn't always make the best choices.  We went to "work out" for 30 minutes every now and then at the gym in our neighborhood...once again, more of a social thing.  More pounds...are you getting the idea here?  When I moved back to Georgia, I had a realization that if I didn't get myself back in order, health wise especially, it would only get harder.

Thus my journey...I started walking on a treadmill.  That was it.  Then I started getting on the eliptical.  The owner would always say, "Why don't you just run?!"  To which I would reply "No!  I will never run!  I hate it." 

Until one day...walking got too slow...the eliptical got old...and I wanted to test myself a bit.  So, I ran.  5 minutes the first time.  That was enough.  haha

But the next day, I ran again...and the next, and the next...until I was running around 5 miles a day.  I learned that it was physical, of course...but it was more mental...I could run just 5 more minutes.

I'm not just trying to bore you with my personal history of exercise...I read the account of the shepherds the other day...how the angel appeared to them and told them about this wonderful thing that had happened and told them where to find the baby.  But they had to make the decision to go...and when they decided to go and see this great promise fulfilled in a baby, they RAN!  They ran the whole way to Bethlehem...from the fields into the city.  We live in the country, so I imagine that it wasn't terribly close by...takes a little time to go to town.  And they ran the whole way.  Maybe it was adrenaline.  Maybe they were in great shape.  Maybe it was the sheer possibility of what they would see.  But, yes, they ran...

Have you gone for a run lately?  Sure, physically you can run and feel that rush of adrenaline and endorphins kick in...but have you been so excited about something God is doing, or will do, that you break out in a full out run toward it? Have you run toward Bethlehem yet this season?  It's time to lace up those shoes and get going.

Gifts

I hate shopping...Ask my Dad...he knows that to get me to a store, he must do one of the following:

a.  only go to one store
b.  feed me afterward
c.  feed me between stores

Yes, I know it sounds ridiculous.  For some reason, Christmas shopping isn't quite as bothersome to me.  Maybe it's because I've found the joy of online shopping.  But, I think it's a little deeper than that.  I like the anticipation of seeing a loved one's face when he or she opens the gift I took time to think about before purchasing.  I love that we know each other well enough to know what to get each other.  There is meaning in gift giving.

You know the three wise men, right?  Apparently they arrived when Jesus was a few years old....but they had journeyed to see this baby, this promised one.  Have you ever thought about their gifts?  They were lavish gifts, fit for a King...that was expected at that time...bring your best.  But I wonder, did they feel kind of foolish when they presented their gifts to a small child?  Did they have thoughts of "What is he going to use this for?  Is he going to chew on it?"  

Maybe that's the point...God surprised them.  God is still surprising us with how he comes, how he is at work, the people that he shows up in...And God accepts us and our gifts for what they are.  Gifts are gifts...God just wants us to come.

Elizabeth and Zechariah

Have you ever stopped to think about the role Elizabeth and Zechariah played in the birth narrative?  They were ancient, had long given up on having a baby...and yet, God fulfilled their hopes for a child, late as it was.  A former pastor shared with us in choir the other night that there were so many priests in that day and time that they would have only gone into the temple, into that sacred space, maybe once in their lifetime.  It just so happened, or maybe happened for such a time as this, that Zechariah went in and came out unable to speak at the news he received.  Because of his inability to even sputter, everyone knew that he had been in the presence of God.

God was making preparations...making sure that people knew that with God all things are possible.  And their son, John, was preparation himself.  Perhaps he inherited that from his parents, the ones preparing the way for the birth of the Christ.

Mary went to visit Elizabeth "and when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the baby leaped in her womb.  And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, and she exclaimed with a loud cry, 'Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb!  And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me?  For behold, when the sound of your greeting came to my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy."  Luke 1:41-44

Elizabeth was ready...she heard what God was saying and felt what the Spirit was doing because she had made preparation in her very spirit.  And even as a baby, John recognized the significance of what was to come.

Am I that in tune with the Spirit?  Are we preparing the way for the coming of our Lord?  Yes, there will be a second coming and that way needs to be prepared, but I'm talking about a daily preparation...are we looking, eagerly anticipating how God will come and move among us?  

Watch for those leaps inside of you and rejoice!

The Angels and the Birth of Christ

Have you ever stopped to ponder the role of the angels in the birth narrative of Jesus? Were angels appointed to be the ones who proclaimed the birth of Jesus to Mary, or the ones who hovered over the Christ child?  Or were the hosts just hovering, all a part of the celebration of God coming to Earth?  I don't know, but I do know that they proclaimed "Great tidings for all people!"  They got to be the ones who declared the one who would save the world, the joy that came, the fulfillment of many prophecies and dreams.

I read an article today...here's an excerpt from it...

"There's more to their joy than our everyday garden-variety joy.  You see, their joy is not in their own salvation, forangels will never know the joy of their own salvation.  The joy they know is a joy in our salvation, a joy that has been welling up for literally millennia, since the beginning of time..."

The angels rejoiced in our salvation.  Their focus was on others instead of self...they experienced true joy because they saw beyond self and to the joy of others.  The news they had to proclaim was bigger than they could even imagine.  The news we hold in our hearts to proclaim is bigger than we can imagine...have we learned the joy of proclaiming it?

Life at the fullest!

One year ago, joy entered my world that almost cannot be put into words.  I will try to capture with words what it feels like to meet your flesh and blood for the first time.  My brother and his wife helped create the most beautiful little girl I've had the pleasure of meeting in my life.  Laying eyes on her for the first time was something miraculous.  Looking at my sister in law and my brother, faces full of hope and exhaustion, and of adrenaline....I was so proud of them for taking on the adventure of a first child...committing to the beginnings, middles, and ends of raising a child.  And every time I look into Miley's eyes, there is this knowing.  It's almost as if she knows that I belong to her and that she belongs to me.  It is a beautiful thing.  God knits new life together in shadows and secret....and when creation is birthed, it is whole and complete.  New life comes, and we get to experience an awakening, a newness of who we are, of who God is, and of what the world can be.

Thank you God for new life...and for a year of blessing, of reminding my family that new life comes every day, in the bright eyes of a little girl.

Glad Tidings!

"Glad tidings of great joy I bring
To you and all mankind!"

"All glory be to God on high!
And to the earth be peace!
Goodwill hence forth from heaven to earth,
begin and never cease,
never cease, Never cease, NEVER cease!"

This is all we need today...to know that our news comes with great joy that never ceases!  NEVER CEASES!  So we do not cease bringing it to others.  If we are to be like Jesus, we are to be great light, unexpected news, never ending joy to the world!

Let's do it!

The Peace...

We sang a song in church on Sunday that just stuck with me.  Here are some of the lyrics...

"It's still a mystery to me

That the hands of God could be so small,

How tiny fingers reaching in the night

Were the very hands that measured the sky.

How his infant eyes have seen the dawn of time

How his ears have heard an angel's symphony,

But still Mary had to rock her Savior to sleep."

One of my dear friends just had her second child...you go girls for getting that done.  I went to see them in the hospital and am continually amazed by the birth of a baby.  Mary was a teenager by our current standards and she believed what God told her was true, that she would give birth to the Savior of the world.  But she still went through contractions, anxiety at being a new mom, pushing a baby out of her. Yeah, maybe a little too far, but think about it.  There is a journey required for the birth of a child.  There is excitement; there is preparation of mind, body, and spirit.  There are a lot of unknowns....and Mary went through all of that.  She probably felt it even more because she couldn't see the end of the story like we can.  It was all a process....a figuring out of mothering and letting Jesus be Jesus.  What a big job.

And after a woman gives birth...after all of the pain and struggle and months of waiting, there is a moment of peace...a moment of clarity when you look at the baby and everything else disappears.  When you see in that new life the promise that you've been waiting for.  Mary experienced that too...the difference was that she birthed peace for the rest of us too.

Watchfulness

So, Sunday's lesson was about the concept of "watchfulness."  The writer correlated the two comings of the Savior...I was having trouble comparing the two that morning, but since have had some thoughts...are you surprised?  Ha.

I am a teacher.  Most of you know that teaching was something I stumbled into...first as a preschool teacher.  I was thinking yesterday about watching my class....20 four and five year olds every day.  Talk about watchfulness...I had to be like a hawk.  On the playground it was next to impossible to keep track of all my kids.  All the sudden, I would look and see two boys, one in a headlock, the other chunking wood chips at the other.  So, watchfulness to me is being aware...of taking into account multiple factors at one time.  I feel like this is what God tells us to do.  And I feel like we've missed the mark.  We want a formula.  We want the watchfulness to follow a set of rules, guidelines, and steps.  

Think about it.  Mary was engaged to be married.  An angel appeared to her.  Elizabeth was like 90 years old and became pregnant with John.  The shepherds were minding their own business, tending their sheep, and bam!  The Savior of the World is in Bethlehem, not far from here...you might want to go check it out!  When God comes, it is not with a formula, or with expected timing.  

Whether thinking about the first time God entered the world, or when God will come again, we must prepare ourselves...and prepare the way.  That means living the kingdom here, on this earth...creating kingdom where you are.  And all the while, having a sense of watchfulness....of looking, being aware of those around you that need a kind word or a smile, of being in tune with how God has already come.

God has come.  God will come again.  God comes even now.  Have you looked for him?

December has arrived!

Well, it's that time again...time to commit myself to write every day leading up to Advent.  My writings may not always make it here every day, but I will do my best.  I hope you'll join me on this reflective journey of advent, of anticipation of what the season holds, what we hold within ourselves, and what others have to teach us during this special season.

I need to be honest with you...I've found myself in a bad place in the last few weeks.  I've had days when I don't want to be around anybody.  I've wanted to wallow in the muck and darkness a little.  I'm sure there are many factors related to this....and if you're honest with yourself, you've had those days too.  Despite that, we began the Advent season at church yesterday with a four year old proclaiming "This is a season of hope!"  We have hope in the midst of darkness.  Life is really dark sometimes...we don;'t get answers that we want; sometimes we don't get answers at all.  We feel like we are wandering in a wilderness without any guidance.  And yet, new life is born.  Trees lie fallow, waiting for rebirth.  New snows fall.  And we keep walking.  But, my prayer for myself and for you is that we are walking toward the light...oh soul, do not run away...do not try to hide...face the darkness and believe.  Believe that the Light of the World has come for you.

December Darkness by Ann Weems

Too often our answer to the darkness
is not running toward Bethlehem
but running away.
We ought to know by now that we can't see
where we're going in the dark.
Running away is rampant...
Separation is stylish:
separation from mates, from friends, from self.
Run and tranquilize,
don't talk about it,
avoid.
Run away and join the army
of those who have already run away.
When are we going to learn that Christmas Peace
comes only when we turn and face the darkness?
Only then will we be able to see
the Light of the World.

Elizabeth told Mary...

You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what he said.

A young teenager faced the darkness of new motherhood, of social disgrace, of a doubtful husband, of so much unknown....but because she faced darkness, she birthed the Light of the World.  

May we believe.

Stones

I don't think much about rocks, stones, boulders ,etc....until I step on them in a river bed, or stumble over one on a pebbled beach...come to think of it, I used to proudly take rocks home from camp, youth trips, and beach trips.  Stones have significance to us as humans for some reason.  They carry weight.  Such an unassuming object feels good in the palm of my hand...the smoothness of the surface, the weight of something pressing against my palm, sometimes what it makes me remember.  And yes, sometimes the pain it caused.

We listened to two women in church on Sunday talk about stones.  They retold stories of long ago--of David defeating Goliath with two stones he catipulted at the self-assured giant.  They reminded us of the woman who was thrown before the people of her own town to be stoned.  the people had picked up the rocks and were ready to give her the punishment she deserved.  Then they reminded us that a stone was placed in front of the tomb of Jesus to keep him in.

We have our plans...we think we know what rocks in our lives to pick up and heave at others that will hit the mark.  I'm pretty sure David was just throwing blind, doing whatever he could think of to thwart Goliath.  The people in the town who came out of their houses to condemn the woman thought they had things under control, and that they should take action and use those stones to rid the town of a sinner.  And the officials who called for the crucifixion of Jesus thought they would seal the tomb and all would be well.

In all of these situations, God takes an object that we intend for evil, for control, for security, for self-preservation, and redeems it.  The stone becomes victory for David.  The stones become mirrors for the townspeople, and grace for the woman.  The stone became light and life for all who believe that Jesus is who he says he is.

So, have you looked at the stones in your life?  Are they marking your path with goodness and redemption?  Are they marked by redemption seen, realized, received, and given back?

Looking Back...

A group of us at church is studying the life of Abram, later Abraham, you know, Father of our Faith and all that. The story of Abraham has always fascinated me, mainly because I cling to the haphazard way he and Sarai gather everything and everybody up, and start walking. God tells them to go, gives them a promise, and they believe. What also encourages me is that after the initial following, they do doubt, individually and as a family...they doubt the promises God made to give them a son, to bring them to a promised land...and yet God reassures them, makes them laugh even. I say all this to tell you what happened to me the other day. I was driving to work...such a mundane task...I was wrapped up in getting there...ahead was kind of dark and dreary with the first rays of sunlight beginning to light the horizon. All the sudden, I looked in my rear view mirror and the sun was coming up over the mountains. It was such a bright, brilliant orange that it almost blinded me. It was beautiful. And in that moment, I thought about Abraham and Sarah. I thought about how they kept walking forward, seeing darkness at times, a few rays of light and promise ahead at other times, but when they looked back, it was brilliant. God does so much in our lives that we never see. We may do something for someone, or go through something that is really difficult at the time, but in the end, it's brilliant, and it's beauty. Even the nasty stuff of our lives can be buried and turn up as something new and glorious. So, look back today...your life may have paved the way for someone else to come into the Kingdom. Your mess may have been another person's treasure. Your struggle may have turned into something beautiful...and just go ahead and laugh a little.

Always Love My Mama...

So yes, this is a little late, but not too bad...I was asked to pray on Mother's Day...and no, I ain't no mama, but I do love mine.  And I love the way that mamas all over have mothered me, and yes, how God has taught me to mother these children that aren't mine by birth, but that I claim anyway.

So...here is the prayer I prayed...for my mama especially, but also to all those who have loved on me.

God,

We come now to a time of passing plates.
On this day, when we celebrate mothers,
we reflect on the many plates that have been passed to us.
We remember the needs that our moms met,
The hurts they hugged away,
the softness of their touch,
The warmth of their embrace,
The ability to see us for who we really are and to love us anyway...
And we give thanks.

Thank you for moms
That walked by faith,
That sheltered us with prayer,
That pushed us to become who we are
That trusted you enough to fill our plates.

God, we recognize Jesus in our moms--
in the ability to touch, to heal, to host, to celebrate, to love in such a special way,
In truly knowing how to sacrifice for the sake of someone else.

As the plates are passed this day, let us, by faith, believe that you are able to fill them...
And help us to give in such a way
That fills someone else's plate,
That sacrifices for someone else
Like we have been sacrificed for.  
Amen.

Busy, busy...

Let Your Light Shine...

This little light of mine...I'm gonna let it shine?

Sometimes I wonder if who I am as a believer is conveyed to those around me.
I pray for bright eyes, for a soft heart,
for a spirit that speaks in spite of my too many words...
And yet, sometimes I question my witness, 
The ways that I help God's kingdom come to earth.

A few days ago, I was with my last class of the day.  Now, this class consists of two 5th grade girls, neither of which speaks much English.  So, they were working on vocabulary worksheets with me and suddenly they broke into conversation, in Spanish of course.  For a minute, I thought they were talking about a girl named Maria, but as I listened more closely, I realized that one was telling the other the entire story of Jesus Christ.  The other girl asked question after question..."How could God and Jesus be the same?"  "How could Mary have Jesus?"  And time after time, the other answered with patience and amazing clarity.

I sat there, mouth open...and at one point I interjected a few statements in my best Spanish...ha.  Then my heart swelled and my eyes welled up with tears.  We serve a great, big God...God is much bigger than our worries, our fears, our everydayness...our "ability" to share...

And God is LIGHT...I shine because I belong to God...God is a God of ALL people and languages.  Praise God for calling us as children, for shining in the midst of darkness around us AND within us.

Smallness...

"Lord of the Small"

Praise to the Lord of the Small Broken Things,
Who Sees the Poor Sparrow That cannot take wing.
Who loves the lame child and the wretch in the street
who comforts their sorrows and washes their feet.

Praise to the lord of the faint and afraid
who girds them with courage and lends them his aid,
he pours out his spirit on vessels so weak,
that the timid can serve and the silent can speak.

Praise to the lord of the frail and the ill
who heals their afflictions or carries them till,
they leave this tired frame and to paradise fly.
to never be sick and never to die.

Praise him, O Praise Him All ye who live
who`ve been given so much and can so little give
our frail lisping praise God will never despise.

         He sees his dear children with mercy filled eyes.

We sang this last week at church.  I've been reminded lately of my "smallness."  Yeah, you can make jokes...I'm not exactly a petite woman, but honestly, most of the time I feel like a little girl.  Sometimes I feel the smallness of my life...of the small things I do every day...hugging, exercising, sitting around with friends, preparing a meal, yelling at kids....and I feel the brokenness of myself and the world.  Things aren't set right every day.  Children leave school hungry.  Sometimes I am not satisfied with the day or life at that moment.  

And yet, God is a God of broken things,

of small, seemingly insignificant people,

of messed up days,

of hungry kids,

of massive hugs,

of the sick,

of the ones giving every ounce of their beings for the Kingdom,

and of those who feel like they have nothing left to give.

And in it all....in the broken, in the small, in the blundering and blubbering, and yes, in the joys (which I have many)....God is God...

God is mercy.

God is Spirit.

God can speak.

God washes our nasty feet.

Amen.  Praise God.  And so be it.

In Need of a Shepherd

We just sang a beautiful song on Sunday in choir...and not just because of the music...it's one of those songs that washes over you as you sing it.  The words of the song spoke to the depths of who I am and who I want to be.  I want to be fully surrendered to my Shepherd...I want to be a good sheep, not just a crazy one that wanders off all the time.

Here are the lyrics...

"Shepherd of my soul,
Keeper of my heart,
Guardian of each step I take
Lead me.  Lead me.  Lead me in your way.

Shepherd of my soul,
Keeper of my heart,
Author of each plan I make
Lead me.  Lead me.  Lead me in your way.

When I am lost my Shepherd finds me
And leads me back into the fold.
He speaks to me with words of comfort
And shelters me, and shelters me,
He shelters me from the cold.

Shepherd of my soul,
Keeper of my heart,
Guardian of each step I take
Lead me.  Lead me.  Lead me in your way.

Shepherd of my soul,
Keeper of my heart,
Author of each step I take
Lead me.  Lead me.  Lead me in your way."

In the Middle of the Night...

No, I won't start singing "A weem a way, a weem a way..." Wait, maybe I just did...Anyway, I've been waking up a lot lately in the middle of the night.  This is not typical behavior for me.  I just turned 30...is this a sign of my age?  Probably not...I have been waking up with verses, words, and ideas...I prayed a long time ago that I would have dreams (literal) of what I was supposed to do...wouldn't that be nice?

So, now I just get awakened in the night with words and I know they are not from my own brain...help it, at that time, there's no telling what activity my brain can handle.  Last night I woke up at 2:00 a.m. and just kept reciting "Do justly.  Love mercy.  Walk humbly with your God."  And that question kept coming to me, "God, what do you want us to do?"  You see, I struggle with selfishness...I can see what I want, or what I think is best...and then IIIIIII takes over...and IIIIIII have to stop.  God's will is way more important than my own.  So, I know this is short, but God, what do you want me to do?  What do you want us to do?  What is best for me?  What is best for those around me?

Help me to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly behind you, alongside you, but never in front of you.

Amen.  So be it, Lord...a weem a way.

Prayer

Being church is messy most of the time....if you don't think so, try really being the part of the body you're supposed to be and functioning next to other parts...takes practice and lots of growing pains.

Below is a prayer I wrote for our church's offertory prayer...

God woke me up with it in the middle of the night again...don't know why God seems to send me these things at the strangest hours, but I'll take them.  :)

God,

We come now to a time of offering, a time of giving.
In this time, take us beyond these offering plates that we pass to a place of honest reflection.
We know that it is in giving
That we receive.

God, I confess today
That sometimes I enter these doors
with a hardened heart;
I confess that when I exit these doors,
Somtimes I gift the world with hatred, with judgement,
with my own selfishness.

God, I am guilty of trying to love you
Without loving my brothers and sisters.
You tell us in your Word
That that kind of love is impossible.
That if we truly love you, we will love others.

We are a body of believers walking around on crutches
Because we have been wrestling with you
Over your dreams for us.

God, show us how to offer ourselves today
To be the people you would have us be.
Show us what we hold in our hearts and hands
That can either be detrmental or beneficial
To those outside these doors.
 
You have given so freely to us.
Help us to gift the world
With you in us.
That every valley of a situation will be lifted.
That every selfish thought of pride be made low.
That the rough plans we have made be made straight.
And that hte glory of the Lord, your glory, shall be revealed
That we all may see it together.
Amen.